Jewish Clergy Letter to the Boy Scouts of America

I signed onto this letter to the Boy Scouts of America about its policy that excludes gay scouts and scout leaders from its ranks. I was Life Scout, member of the Order of the Arrow, Junior Assistant Scout Master, and BSA Camp staff member (at Camp Wahtutca in New Hampshire; the Boy Scouts had a significant positive influence – especially on my leadership skills - during my formative years.

The Religious Action Center for Reform Judaism in Washington, DC, is shepherding a letter from Jewish clergy. For years the Boy Scouts of America has maintained a policy that excludes gay scouts and scout leaders from its ranks. Later this month the Boy Scouts National Council will consider a proposal to lift the ban on gay youth but uphold its policy of prohibiting LGBT adults from serving in the organization:

We write as rabbis and cantors to add our voices to the call for the Boy Scouts of America ("BSA") to end the ban on gay scouts and scout leaders. Many of us are former scouts, the parents of scouts or children who aspire to scouting, and admirers of the mission and purpose of the BSA. Each of us, however, opposes the BSA's discriminatory policy that excludes gay scouts and leaders.

The BSA ban causes real harm to gay youths, adults and their families around the country. LGBT youth, and often the children of LGBT parents as well, face alarming amounts of bullying, harassment, discrimination, and – most distressingly – LGBT youth experience significantly higher rates of suicide. These children and their families must not be denied the opportunities to achieve and the structures of support that the Boy Scouts already provide to so many.

The book of Proverbs tells us, "Train up a child in the way the child should go, and even when the child is old, they will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). For many children across America the Boy Scouts has proven an excellent way of sharing such life lessons and building character. Like the Boy Scouts, our Jewish tradition emphasizes the values of personal responsibility, service to the community and a broader commitment to justice. These values apply equally to gay and straight individuals. Indeed, how can we teach service to a community when that community excludes our friends, family members and neighbors?

We are pleased to hear that the Boy Scouts of America will consider a proposal to end the ban against gay scouts. However, we were deeply troubled to learn that the ban on LGBT scout leaders would remain in place. We believe that each human being is created b’tselem elohim, in the image of God. That stamp of the divine does not change between childhood and adulthood. Indeed, LGBT adults can and do provide exemplary role models for both straight and gay youth.

As Jewish clergy, we urge you to fully lift the BSA's policy of discrimination that currently impacts both children and adults. When that occurs, we look forward to participating again in the worthy work of the BSA.

Other Jewish clergy may sign on here.

When Dating Between Married People IS Appropriate

While people join a synagogue for a plethora of reasons. As scholar Ron Wolfson notes in his book Relational Judaism, most place finding a community and friends near the top of our lists. Yet with multiple pressures on synagogues to educate, celebrate, engage, worship, and counsel, relationship building seems to fall through the cracks.

Recently our Congregation Or Ami's educational leadership made an active decision to integrate more relationship-building and more parenting "How To" opportunities into our Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning program. A good decision, it nonetheless led to a complex pedagogical problem: how does one weave content learning, relationship building, and parenting "How To" into one coherent experience? It was a daunting task.

Our solution? Encourage our married (and unmarried) congregants to date.

Speed Dating - Synagogue Style
For this, we turned to Speed Dating, a late 1990's social phenomenon which spread like wildfire across the country. In classic Speed Dating, two concentric circles of chairs face each other, or sometimes across tables. Assuming heterosexual relationships, one gender sits in the inside circle while the other gender sits in the outer circle. Every two people face one another and "date" for a specified amount of time, usually 5 minutes. Then the outer circle stands up and rotates a few spaces clockwise. Sitting across from a new partners, each pair introduces and dates.

Our modified "Mishpacha Speed Dating" invited pairs to share names, names and grades of children and other basic info, and then to answer a specific question. The questions/prompts, developed from that week's content - the Joseph narratives of Genesis - explored into issues of parenting. Since Mishpacha program parents began the session reading a detailed summary of the narrative, the context made sense.

Beyond Hobbies and Movies: Questions that Led to Great Conversations
We asked questions designed to spark conversation and sharing:

• As a group, Jacob and his four wives (Leah, Rachel, Bilhah and Zilpah) were prolific parents, giving birth to twelve sons and at least one daughter (Dinah). We would like to think that he and they enjoyed parenthood. What have been, for you, the joys of parenthood?


• Jacob gave his son Joseph a "coat of many colors" as an expression of his love. We give our children many gifts, and there are many intangible "gifts" we often wish to impart to them. What quality or value do you wish to impart to your child but have found it challenging to do so? Invite your partner to offer suggestions about creative ways to share this "gift".


• Joseph and his brothers took sibling rivalry and "bad behavior" to the extreme, when the brothers - having contemplated and rejected killing Joseph - threw him instead into a pit and sold him into slavery. Some commentators argue that father Jacob's silence on the matter allowed these behaviors to fester and grow. What challenge are you facing with your child that you have not been able to resolve? (If you have more than one child, choose one. After presenting, ask your partner for suggestions and advice.)


• Toward the end of the Joseph narratives, father Jacob blesses each of his sons. Some believe the blessings include two parts: a realistic yet positive assessment of the child's best qualities, and a hope for how the child will grow in the future. For one child, what are your blessings for him or her. Although Jacob's blessings include some uncomfortable truths about his children, keep your blessing focused on the most positive qualities only.

Minimal sharing followed each Mishpacha Speed Dating interaction because during each of the 6 iterations, the pairs seemed to have plenty about which to talk.

Let the "Dating" Continue: Connecting through Parenting
The forty adults in the room shared a common bond, finding both incredible joy and at time numbing challenge from parent our children. We recognized that none of our kids came with instruction manuals, and that even second and third children seem at times to defy the instruction manuals we "write" as we raise the first. As such, it was helpful to have other parents - and a group of other parents - with which to share, commiserate and consult when the challenges are most gut wrenching. So the secret was out of the bag: here in Congregation Or Ami, especially amongst the participants in our Mishpacha program, we have compatriots in the lifelong process of raising children. So we invited participants to turn to one another - as we did today - for advice and support.

Making New Friends through Risk Taking
Life can be complicated and exhausting, and few of us easily make new friends in our middle years. So here's an invitation and challenge we shared with participant adults: you have each spent time with a minimum of 5-6 people today and with others at previous Mishpacha sessions. Surely you found one or two people with whom you felt a commonality. Take a chance; date them. Invite him or her for a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or perhaps lunch. See if there is a friendship that might grow from this encounter. It is a risk, but when it works, it can be life's greatest blessings.

They Loved It!
That week's Mishpacha session seemed to turn a corner, providing participants with a little of each, and whet appetite for even more. Speed dating, like many daily encounters, is an opportunity for learning, friendship and new experiences. While we DISCOURAGE people from actually dating, we encourage them to "Friendship Date." As congregant parent Talee Sands commented on our Facebook pictures, "This was one of my most favorite activities." And as congregant couple Kristin and Al Brenner emailed, "Al and I truly enjoyed our session today. It has inspired further thought and perspective, and great conversation."

Using the ATM to Bring Teens into Temple

The entire American Jewish world, it seems, is focused on how to engage or reengage the younger generations of Jews. Foundations are funding, denominations are discussing, and Federations and synagogues are searching for the latest and greatest strategies to engaging these lost generations. Our own Union for Reform Judaism kicked off its Campaign for Youth Engagement, on the theory that unless we engage young people in their early years, we surely will lose them in their later high school years and beyond.

While the solution to this contemporary challenge necessarily needs to be multi-pronged and multi-focal, at Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas, CA we have stumbled upon some success in the most unlikely of places: at the A.T.M.

Paying Jewish Kids to Play?
For most of us, A.T.M. refers to the computerized kiosk which dispenses cash. Young people are drawn to them second only to their parent's credit card. At Congregation Or Ami, our teens do seek out A.T.M., not for money, but instead to make deposits (of their talent) to the temple.

At Or Ami, A.T.M. stands for "Art, Theater, Music," a teen engagement program that is part of our constellation of teen activities known at the temple as Triple T: Tracks for Temple Teens. Inspired by the URJ's Campaign for Youth Engagement and by similar programs at URJ Camp Newman's Hagigah Festival, A.T.M. begins with a simple premise: that many young people find expression and relief from stress through arts and music, and we, the Jewish community, need to capitalize on that reality. (Read about our Future Coaches track: Saving the Jewish People... On the Sports Field.)

Creating Their Own Production Company
A few times a month, a diverse group of 7th-11th graders meet with a talented Jewish musician, and sometimes also with a young actress. Following a semester's study of trends in Jewish arts, theater and music, our teens explored a variety of Jewish topics, settling on the issue of Jewish identity as their focus. Through class discussions and values clarification exercizes, they delved into the multitude of experiences which influence Jewish identity development. Then the teens labored to create their own musical theater production.

As a group the teens wrote and edited a script, and utilized multimedia - music, singing, rap, video and more - to articulate the story of a teen developing her Jewish identity. Background sets were painted, props collected, stage hands selected, and costumes created. Their regularly scheduled A.T.M. sessions were supplemented with extra rehearsals during their free time.

A Festival of Jewish Arts
Rabbi Julia Weisz beautifully wove the A.T.M. musical theater production into a teen-led Shabbat service, forming Or Ami's first Festival of Jewish Arts. Teens from all the Triple T tracks, joined parents and temple leadership, for this multimedia service.

The service began with a video presentation in which one student (who happens to be on the autism spectrum) interviewed other students about their experience in A.T.M. Throughout the service, teens from other Triple T tracks led prayers after introducing them with kavannot (inspirational creative writings) on the theme "What prayer means to me." We were particularly inspired as one teen, whose father is fighting cancer, shared his interpretation of the Mi Shebeirach prayer for healing and then led us in the healing prayer. The musical theater production, a modern drash if you will, was engaging and inspirational.

The Kvelling Began As the Curtain Came Down
Our teens, their parents, and our entire temple community kvelled continuously that night and in the nights that followed, as each tried to capture the essence of the Jewish experience that embraced their teenage children. The comments from three parents are indicative of what we are hearing:

Parent Lesli Kraut: I was very inspired by the Festival of Jewish Arts Shabbat Service. Remembering back to when I was a teenager, my parents forced me to be involved in a local youth group chapter. I didn't want to go and definitely did not feel like I belonged. Our teens, including my own son Andrew, want to be at Temple. They are engaged, excited and most of all comfortable with their Judaism. It is so wonderful watching them interact with each other and knowing that they share a special bond and a sense that they definitely belong. Thank you, Congregation Or Ami!

Parent Mike Moxness: When my son Aaron presented his interpretation of the Mi Sheberach and led the prayer, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I have been living with advanced cancer for the past year and I have always taken great solace in this part of the service. It exemplifies the caring community of Or Ami and I truly believe that all the prayers offered up on my behalf have helped me survive. Having Aaron sing those words brought up strong feelings of gratefulness for all the support we have received. I am especially grateful for the home our kids have found in Or Ami's youth programs. It provides a place of comfort in this turbulent world. All teenagers face many challenges, and letting them express their thoughts without judgement is incredibly important. It is difficult for most kids to talk about painful experiences, however, giving my son the podium for a few minutes in front of a supportive community helped the healing continue.

Parent Addy Chulef-Mindel: I want to let you know that after the Festival of Jewish Arts Shabbat Service, my daughter Jessie said, "I feel that Or Ami is my second family..." We are thrilled that we joined Or Ami, and Jessie looks forward to continuing to make new friends and doing Tikkun Olam (acts which fix the world). Having the feeling of community, and the opportunity to help and give back is where Jessie finds meaning--and that's what Congregation Or Ami is all about.

So Go Ahead
Ask the A.T.M. teens what they accomplished at the Festival of Jewish Arts. They might say that they put on a musical play. They might respond that they made great friends and had a lot of fun. But we know better.

In the midst of the scripts and the sets and the rehearsals, our teens utilized their artistic and musical talents to grapple with what it means to be Jewish. All within the context of a Jewish night for teens. Although we did not pay them to participate, they each came away with something even more valuable:  A deeper understanding of their Jewish identity.

Is Passover Over Yet?

The end of the Chag (holiday) of Pesach is upon us, and so many who have kept Passover are counting down the moments until they can eat their beloved pizza, morning toast and all kinds of cakes and cookies. I even heard one person pining for a bowl of oatmeal.

Is it really that difficult to do without chametz food for seven days (or eight depending upon your custom)? It seems so for so many.

Does the discomfort and hunger for that which is forbidden help us meditate on our mytho-historical memory of leaving Egyptian Slavery in search of the Promised Land - or - does it just add to the list of things about which Jews can kvetch?

Thou shalt not crave
This year, I do not yet seem to crave anything. I have eaten plenty thanks to a smaller than usual Seder and a larger than expected supply of delicious leftovers. Still, I look forward to moments when I don't have to think about the food I put in my mouth.

That discipline - being totally aware of what I eat - like keeping kosher, seems to parallel my doctor's orders that I drop 15 pounds. The only way to do that is with daily exercise and by thinking before eating.

Thinking before eating.
The Jewish blessing and curse. Blessing, because it elevates the habitual action of eating, making it a sacred act of holiness. Curse, because it forces us beyond our base human needs and wants.

Do I think about slavery every time I eat during Passover? Heck no! But I do take pause, check the ingredients, figure out how many days remain in the Chag, and therefore get pulled back into the exodus. My mind sometimes wanders back to our Seder or forward to the different groups we talked about who are experiencing oppression today.

A constant reminder
That would not happen naturally. So I need something to goad me back to that mindset. What could be a more constant reminder than having to think before I eat.

So I may not be counting down the days until Passover ends. But I am counting forward about the things I can do to eradicate oppression from our world.

Chag Pesach Sameach - happy Passover.

How to host a huge Seder without cooking a lot

Although we started out with the smallest guest list in years, we ended up with the most well attended Seder that we have ever hosted. Thanks to technology, tradition and trust, we had more people at our Seder table than ever before.

Technology
Although our family is spread all over the globe, we managed to bring them together with the help of a few computers, an iPad and some patience. We Skyped them in - my parents from Cape Cod, my nephew and niece from the Boston-area, and our daughter from Ecuador. My sister and I coordinated a bicoastal seder, though the finicky internet ended the experience far too early. When her turn to read, we even held up our haggadah for our South American-based student to participate.

The world is so big, but technology joyfully makes it feel so much smaller. And since our family is spread out, holidays no longer need to feel so separating. Technology has allowed us to double the size of our Seder without having to set more places or even cook more food.

Tradition
Our modest home stretched to accommodate the next group of visitors. 2 million Israelites came by to share the experience. Their experience. Reading the Magid (story) of their exodus, we felt their presence wih us. (Here's the math: 603,550 Israelite men of fighting age counted in the Torah. Double it for similar aged women, give them an average of 2 kids each, add in the old, ailing and disabled, and we get close to 2.5 million.) Of course, from an historical standpoint, it's unclear if the Exodus actually happened as reported. Still, the mythohistorical Israelites came over for Seder dinner, but thankfully they didn't eat.

Trust
We went interfaith for parts of our Seder, welcoming in 3 million undocumented foreigners living in the state of California. They live in terror, especially when they find themselves victims of crime, because they are fearful that going to the police will lead to automatic deportation. This is a terrible way to live, for any human beings, let alone people who are mugged, sexually assaulted or forced to work without pay by unscrupulous slave-driving bosses.

Using a Haggadah supplement produced by Reform CA, a group of Reform Jewish Rabbis and laypeople, we committed ourselves to standing up for the stranger. Words from Torah became the rallying cry for us; the Trust Act, a piece of legislation before the California Assembly, serves as our vehicle to combat this focused oppression. Even though they left with their bellies empty - apparently not everyone likes matzah and gefilte fish, the cry of the 3 million resounded throughout our Seder.

Guests Kept Coming
We spoke with the women of Israel who monthly pray at the Kotel (Western Wall), in hopes of opening up this Jewish site to prayer and ritual as we liberal Jews experience it.

We talked with Palestinians and Israelis - a passionate bunch they were - who want nothing less than normalized relations as members of two states living side by side in peace.

Lo Dayeinu
It would NOT have been enough if only seven of us sat around the coffee table on living room couches to read through the Haggadah. The Seder is meant to be shared - with far flung relatives, with our ancient ancestors, and with modern victims of oppression.

Because only seven of us ate, we had leftovers for a week. More significantly, with the house cleaned up and the Seder plates put away, we still carry with us the extra responsibility - burden?!? - of our new friends.

Repairing the Injustice by Passing the TRUST Act

In preparation for Passover, the festival commemorating our people's passage from oppression to freedom, from fear to faith, I signed on to this letter by Reform CA, to pass the Trust Act in California (here's a backgrounder on the Trust Act):

The imperative of Jewish history commands us to speak out loudly. As a wandering people that has often depended upon the good graces of nations for protection from physical harm and economic hardship, we are sensitive to the needs of another immigrant population. 

And as Californians, we are proud that our state has been the leader in this country for compassionate and just legislation. We know that when California sets the standard for public policy, the nation takes notice and follows 

It is for these reasons that we endorse, support, and encourage the passage of the Transparency and Responsibility Using State Tools (TRUST) Act. The TRUST Act will serve to redress the daily injustices faced by undocumented immigrants in California.
Joining our voices with police officials, immigrants rights groups, other faith communities, and many more, we sign this petition in order to raise our voices to our state legislators and to Governor Brown and implore them to action – to vote yes on The TRUST Act and to sign it into law. 

***

A Jewish poet once wrote:

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free… Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me."

Reform CA is delighted to launch our first campaign on statewide immigration reform through the California TRUST Act. With Pesach quickly approaching, we are reminded of our own Exodus narrative of journey and wandering, finding ourselves in so many generations the stranger in a strange land. At our seder, we hear our own cry for redemption echo in our charge to care for the stranger in our midst. As Reform Jews and Californians, we seek compassionate and fair laws for our immigrant brothers and sisters who call California home.

We are working to get thousands of signatures as we demonstrate to our elected officials the strength of the California Reform Movement. Sign our petition now - tell the California Legislature that it's time to pass the TRUST Act and restore stability and security to our immigrant communities. When we are young, we are often told by a loving parent that if we are lost or hurt or scared, we should find a police officer who can help us. Unfortunately, millions of California parents who are immigrants without documents must tell their children the opposite, to avoid police officers, because under current state law, contact with an officer can result in deportation. In addition, undocumented immigrants who are victims of spousal abuse or who witness a crime are afraid to reach out to local police for protection because doing so risks their own deportation.

By signing this petition here, we, the Reform Jewish community of California, say it is time to repair this injustice.

***

I am also including this Passover Seder ritual to help bring awareness of this issue to the people gathered around our seder table.  I invite you to do so also.

When Rabbis Disagree, Can They Do So Respectfully?

It is easy to condemn the views of others. We Jews particularly need not be afraid or enraged when someone makes theological claims that challenge our views. Unlike extremists in other religious groups, Jews allow for every argument about and with God.

I faced just that situation when a rabbi I did not know called a recent Torah commentary I wrote a “chillul Hashem” (an action that disgraces, harms or shames God).

On March 1st, the Jewish Journal of Los Angeles printed God’s Road Rage, my Torah commentary on Ki Tisa. Arguably edgy, with a few lines that I would edit out in the future (“There God goes again, getting pissed off!”), the commentary makes a theological claim that was sure to make traditionalists uncomfortable: that God is not perfect, but learns and grows and changes.

In response, Conservative Rabbi Robert Elias (Knesset Israel of Hollywood) wrote:

Describing the Almighty as a terrible tot, throwing temper tantrums and much worse, is shocking and unworthy for the author and the publisher. If this is the God [Rabbi] Kipnes believes in, why become a rabbi? Why bother to pray? Why stand up for the Torah? If you were in my shoes, would you dismiss the critique as theological fundamentalism? Or would you want to defend your position?

Here’s what I did:

Upon receiving the comments of Rabbis Elias, whom I did not know, I did what any thinking person should do when confronted by those who seem offended by my comments: I picked up the phone and called. Then I met for coffee with Rabbi Elias.

Rabbi Elias and I spent over an hour, talking, getting to know each other, speaking about our families, our lives and careers. We talked about the ideas, which he found so offensive – mostly the theological claim that God is not perfect – but equally the way I couched the idea within the article. We shared the fact that we both believe deeply in God, and that we love the multifaceted nature of Torah. We agreed to disagree on this God concept.

As I hoped, the conversation became a learning opportunity to bridge the theological gap, explain perspectives, and perhaps build a connection Jew to Jew, rabbi to rabbi. That’s how Jews disagree and yet remain one community.

I thanked Rabbi Elias for agreeing to meet. He said he was surprised to hear from me, and thanked me for picking up the phone to talk about his concerns.

I apologized that my words so offended him. He suggested that I include those words in my response to the Jewish Journal. And so I did.

As I concluded my response to the Jewish Journal: We encounter [those who disagree with us] with thoughtfulness to discern where there might be truth that we overlooked. I believe in God with all my heart, soul and might. And I humbly apologize to those for whom my words offended their understanding of God.